I Want to Drug My Wife: Making a Fantasy a Reality

I try to write these posts in a logical order so that topics build off each other and I can refer back to previous posts for context. If I started the blog with a post about wanting to drug my wife, you might think I was some sort of deranged psycho (though I don’t discount that as a possibility even now). As I mentioned previously, Erin and I have an open discourse about our fantasies and desires. We regularly talk about consent and the things we have given each other preconsent to do. Building off of those topics, you can correctly assume that when I say I want to drug my wife, she not only knows this but also has agreed to let me do so.

I decided to make up a term for this kind of play: chemical domination, or chem dom.

Overcoming Negativity Around Fantasies

As a teenager I felt guilt and shame for the things about which I fantasized. For those who might have wondered what fantasies could possibly have me so afflicted, this is an example: I’m turned on by the idea of a woman being drugged and taken advantage of.

That I was aroused by such a thing bothered me. After all, I would never want someone to be drugged and raped. It’s hard to understand how something so awful in reality can be fuel for sexual fantasies. I felt guilty as hell for it.

As such, this fantasy was one of those things I kept from Erin in the early years of our marriage. I didn’t want her to think I was a latent rapist. Or that I thought such behavior was in the slightest way OK. But surely if I was willing to jerk off to such horrible fantasies then in some way I must actually like that behavior. Or so my teenage brain rationalized it. Having a reaction of arousal to something so terrible must be an indication that I must be a bad person.

Only a bad person could be physically aroused by evil acts, right?

Cognitive dissonance is a real mother fucker.

Fantasies Aren’t Evil

Talking through my fantasies with Erin helped me realize that I wasn’t a bad person despite what I jerked off to. Erin admitted to having her own fantasies about being dominated, forced, and even raped. But that doesn’t mean she actually wants to be attacked and fucked. Nor does she want that to happen to anyone else.

Just because something is a turn on doesn’t mean we want it to happen in real life.

Except that in our case, we want to explore these fantasies to see if the played out scenario can be as much of a turn on. But the only way either of us could enjoy the experience is if we felt safe within it. Erin is comfortable testing her rape scenario with me in a controlled environment; she knows she can end it with a word. Similarly, I can play out my fantasy comfortable in the knowledge I have permission to do so.

The Drugging Fantasy

Apparently, I’m not as weird as I thought about this. We’ve been catching up on the back episodes of the Room 77 podcast, and in episode 14, Richard and Lauren talk about a dinner they had with another couple. The other woman mentions that she has a fantasy to be roofied/take roofies herself and be taken advantage of  (starts at 6:15). Interesting to me, both seemed to be all for trying such a thing. Lauren went so far as to say she might enjoy trying chemical domination herself—given Richard was there to make sure everything about her taking the drugs went right.

They go a little deeper into rape fantasies and how certain circumstances are a turn on in the realm of the imagination but most people wouldn’t want to happen in real life. I recommend giving it a listen if the topic interests you. They do a great job exploring the subject and still interject their signature humor, keeping it light and playful.

I had already come to terms with having the fantasy and being OK with it. But damn if I didn’t feel better about myself hearing that other people had similar fantasies. It was good to hear it from both the male and female perspective.

The Male/Female Difference

I get that it’s different for a woman to say that she has a fantasy about being drugged (being a sub in a chem dom scene) versus a guy saying he has one for drugging someone (being the Dom in a chem dom scene).

Consider a conversation like the one from the Room 77 podcast episode. A sexy lady starts up some naughty talk and coyly says, “I have a dirty fantasy. I want to be roofied and have a roomful of guys grope me and take advantage of me and just use me as their plaything.”

That sounds hot as fuck!

Flip it.

A guy leans in and sexily whispers, “I want to slip something into your drink so that you get so wasted you have no idea what’s going on and have no way to control yourself. And then I’m going to take you back my place and fuck you all night long. You probably won’t even remember it the next morning.”

It just doesn’t play as well, does it?

As the Dom, the “drugger”, this fantasy still has some creep factor to it.; more so when the Dom is male. However, I don’t have a singular fantasy about covertly slipping something into a woman’s drink. I’ve got facets.

Many Variations on a Fantasy

When I fantasize, I write erotica in my head. I launch into them and create characters and fleshed out story lines and dialogues. I rework scenes over and over across several replays. Normally, I sit with a single top for a few weeks, working on different scenes with various characters, but all in a similar vein. And then eventually I switch to something completely different and start completely different stories.

So when I’m in a “drugged woman” fantasy mood, I’m working on a variety of scenarios not just a date-rape drug type of fantasy. I’m just as into the idea sent forth in the Room 77 podcast in which the woman knowingly and purposely takes the drug herself to kick off the scene. Another story idea I had involves a woman who knows she tends to get kinky when high on weed so she keeps hitting the bong to get herself high enough to do something daring.

Sometimes Erin sends me naughty pictures while I am out with friends just to get me riled up for when I come home. She could just as easily text me that she’s been smoking and is really high and horny and waiting for me to come home to fuck her.

Obviously she doesn’t need to be high for that message to get my engine revving, but for some reason, that element kicks it up a notch for me. Doing drugs, in general, is a turn on for me.

The Reality of Drugging My Wife

After I opened up about this fantasy, Erin was on board with trying it. It aligns with her enjoyment of being used for sex. For the first couple attempts, she knew she was taking something—GHB in these cases—with the understanding that should she become extremely intoxicated or even pass out, I was allowed to have my way with her…if I actually wanted to.

Despite it being a fantasy of mine, I wasn’t sure if I would like the reality of it. I might be too worried about her. I might not like her lying there limply, not reacting. Neither of us knew how it would go, but we were comfortable testing it out.

We didn’t have much success with GHB. Neither of us have had strong reactions to GHB; certainly nothing to the point of her being incapacitated enough to “take advantage” of her. She’s been more out of it drunk than drugged.

Undaunted Our Hero Plunges On

Despite those first few attempts not having the desired effect—her being in a highly intoxicated and pliable state for my pervy amusement—I still continue to try.

After those initial tests, Erin gave me her consent to drug her without her knowledge. Though, there are certain “common sense” rules about doing so:

• I’m not going to dose her with a psychedelic without her knowledge; that would be scary and awful and would lead to a bad trip. 
• I’m not going to dose her with MDMA. That’s an experience we share together, and we make time to fully engage in that event.
• I’m not going to dose her at an inappropriate time (at a family event, before work, etc).

“But, Shane, doesn’t this break Commandment One of your Six Commandments of Substance Use?”

Nope, because I have her preconsent to do it. If I broke one of the above common-sense rules, then yeah, I’d be breaking Commandment One.

I’m even more cautious than those rules prescribe. The few occasions I’ve slipped a little something extra into her drink, we had already established it was going to be a “drinks and chill” kind of evening, so it wasn’t even a surprise. Although it has worked to get her a little more intoxicated, I still haven’t dosed her to a “date rape” level of out of it. One of the best drugged experiences happened unexpectedly from a really heavy bong hit.

But I do get a little turned on watching her sip her cocktail knowing that there’s something extra in it. It’s a weird fetish, I know.

That Time She Was Out Cold

MDMA is an upper, so we usually take a sleep aid after rolling. After one roll, Erin took her sleep aid before I took mine. Soon she was asleep and snoring in my ear. I tried to flip her so that she wasn’t snoring right next to my head. I didn’t have much success, but I also didn’t wake her.

So I did a little more experimenting. She was out cold.

So I indulged in my fetish and had sex with my passed out wife. Sometimes she moaned and sighed in pleasure…before shifting back to the heavy breathing of sleep. Other times her legs stiffened and gripped my hips as I fucked her…before going slack. Sometimes her hands gripped my wrist or rubbed up my arms…before falling back to the mattress.

This lasted about 10 minutes for two reasons:

1. I can’t orgasm on MDMA, so as enjoyable as it was, there was no chance of me finishing no matter how long I went.
2. Despite having preconsent, this was a first. Despite enjoying myself, I was a little wary about the whole experience.

When I told her about it afterwards, she confirmed that she had no clue. And that she was completely fine with it. I offhandedly said something like, “I really enjoyed it, not that it did anything for you.” She replied, “Maybe not, but I’m getting turned on hearing you talk about it.”

At that point I confessed to a few more aspects of my fantasy. It would be hot if she went to sleep clothed and for me to finish inside her (or maybe on her) so that she wakes up naked with evidence of what happened.

She agreed that could be hot.

Still Working on the Logistics

This is still a fantasy in progress. We’ve scraped the surface but still have more exploring to do. There are plenty of variables to play with (i.e., the drug used, the dosage, the scenario). There’s no one set goal (Erin massively intoxicated but still with it versus passed out cold) or prescribed scene to play out. This is a fun little experiment that appeals to each of us for its own reasons. I get more out of it than Erin, I think, but the submission aspect of being drugged and used pressed some of her buttons.

I’m curious if others have similar fantasies about chemical domination, drug use, and being drugged for sex. If you care to discuss, feel free to hit us up on Twitter or via our contact form.