We like party drugs. We like sex clubs. We don’t mix party drugs and sex clubs. Most of our party drug experiences have occurred in a house; though, we’ve had a couple MDMA experiences at a friend’s beach house. During these, we have been on the beach or on the nearby boardwalk. One time we walked to the bars in town (though this was off-season, so it wasn’t packed with partying college students) as our first attempt ever to be out in public and interacting with people while rolling. But we’ve never been to a club, sex/lifestyle club or otherwise, while high.
I’m sure at some point we’ll make it out to a rave or dance party on something, but we wouldn’t mix party drugs with sex club (or any lifestyle event) despite the obvious advantages it could have. As gregarious as I can be, I get nervous meeting new people. I don’t have a lot of experience at small talk, and swinger small talk is different than vanilla small talk. Swingers don’t ask about what you do for a living or other personal, identifying questions. Not upfront. That’s guarded information that you need to earn. In the vanilla world, “What do you do?” is usually the first question you ask when meeting someone.
Rolling on molly would help me ease my nervousness. I’d be the life of the party, casually dancing and flirting and talking to everyone and anyone.
Erin is much more reserved in social situations. Rolling would draw her from her shell and get her talking, too.
As a social lubricant, MDMA would be much better than alcohol. So why don’t we mix drugs and clubs?
We Can’t Control Set and Setting
At a club, I have no control of the music, and there aren’t very many places we could go to escape it if we don’t like what the DJ is playing. Although set and setting are more of an issue with psychedelics, we have learned that there is music we prefer while rolling, and that changes in the music will alter our mood more readily while high.
We’ve already had a swap experience go south at a club because of the DJ’s poor music decisions. We don’t need it happening again because we’re high.
We Don’t Want to Be on a Different Level
If we are at a club, we want to meet people and engage with them socially. Most of the people there are drinking. Some might be smoking marijuana. There’s a chance a few people might be on something like MDMA or GHB (we’ve seen evidence of people on something). But if we are there to engage, we want people to meet us as us, not MDMA versions of us, and we don’t want to be in a state to which they cannot relate.
Furthermore, I think being around drunk people while on MDMA might be a little off-putting. I can’t say that it would be a bad experience, because it’s really difficult to have a bad experience on molly, but I can feel the difference in my own high if I’m rolling and other people aren’t. I’m mentally tuning myself down to stay on their level. Why take the drug if you aren’t experiencing the drug?
We Don’t Want to Do Anything We Might Regret
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, but MDMA ramps up empathy. Erin and I are both people-pleasers to begin with; while rolling, we might go along with something we wouldn’t otherwise, even while drunk, because the other one is into it or even because a group is into it.
Also molly creates an inflated sense of connection and love. When it’s just the two of us, this is a powerful bonding experience that leaves us feeling closer even after the experience is over. With relative strangers or casual swapping friends, this can lead to a false sense of enjoyment. The four-way connection might work for us while high, but then the next time we hang out and try to swap with the couple without molly, we might not be able to get a real connection.
That can happen no matter what; just because you have a great swap with another couple once doesn’t mean it will happen that way every time. But if you had a great experience solely because of the MDMA, then you might never have a good swap with that couple without it.
We Have to Get Home
The same is true with alcohol, of course, but I’m more practiced at knowing when I need to stop drinking to be safe to drive home. Drugs are harder to calibrate. I don’t want to be stuck unable to leave because my high hasn’t fallen off yet. That’s why our initial experiences were at the beach house where we could walk to the party.
Combining Sex and MDMA Can Be Difficult
Some people find that even in small to moderate doses, MDMA can affect their ability to perform. I can still get hard, but my erection can be a little flaky at times. On higher doses, I might have trouble getting fully erect or keeping an erection with significant mental and physical focus. No matter how much I am on, I can’t achieve an orgasm. That symptoms usually lasts 12 hours or more after coming down.
Swinging and sex clubs can be boner killers in their own right. I’m sure that anyone who’s been swinging for even a short period of time has a story about someone not being able to get it up. The reasons are plentiful: too much alcohol, sensory overload/distraction from the music and sounds of others having sex, or just nerves about being able to perform.
Getting hard can be hard! Once things aren’t working smoothly down there, it’s easy to fall into the downward spiral of erection death. Sure, this point matters less if we have no desire to play with anyone other than each other at the club, but it’s still a factor to consider.
All of These Examples Were About MDMA. What About Other Substances?
Shrooms and LSD
Psychedelics are even more dependent on set and setting. I know people take shrooms or LSD and go to clubs. As noted, there isn’t a good way to change set and setting without simply leaving should a trip go downhill. Also, I think being on shrooms or LSD would be much more obvious for onlooking, which could deter their interaction or make someone on these psychedelics paranoid that people know and are judging them. These would work better at music festivals when you can more easily change set and setting and where festival goers expect that others are on these substances.
2C-B
2C-B is a whole other story in terms of psychedelics. You see amazing visuals, colors are more vibrant, music sounds better, and things feel awesome. However, it doesn’t create the same psychedelic headspace, and so it is easier to be out in a crowd on 2C-B than LSD or shrooms. I’ve heard it called the “museum psychedelic” for that reason. (We plan to hit the Philadelphia Art Museum on 2C-B someday.) Still, set and setting are important and paranoia can slink in. Whereas MDMA might make us love everyone and feel connected to each other while swapping, Erin has found that she is more emotionally raw on 2C-B. Seeing me with other people spikes her paranoia and jealousy, making her feel disconnected from me which is the opposite of what either of us want.
GHB
GHB is a popular party drug, and the one I would consider the best for clubbing. The effects are similar to being drunk (arguably better as GHB provides more euphoria and has less chance for whiskey dick). I have found that if I have a couple beers and take GHB, I feel like I’ve had five or six beers (which for a big guy like me, that equates to a happy buzz). Dosing with GHB can be tricky, though, and we’ve not yet figured out what our party dose is. Take too much, and it can turn your stomach and make you sleepy, just like alcohol.
Marijuana
I don’t consider marijuana a party drug. I know people vape at the clubs, so no one would think it odd that someone was high on weed. Our problem is that marijuana usually makes us less social. Even pure sativa tends to lower our energy levels. At the right dose, that might help with social anxiety, but more likely we just get uncomfortable from weed paranoia.
Don’t Mix Drugs and Sex Clubs
Our reason for going to sex clubs is either to meet people and be social or to drink in that sexual vibe, get super horny for each other, and have kinky sex. Either way, most party drugs would work counter to that purpose. That’s why we don’t mix the two.
Well, that and because all the clubs have rules to not take drugs. But given that I’m already breaking the law by possessing these substances, I figured no one would buy that as an excuse!