As I know has been mentioned before, Shane and I have been together since high school. There has been a lot of sexual growth and exploration as we have grown up together, especially in the past couple of years due to the influence of MDMA. One thing that continues to come up is Shane’s desire for anal play. Not just anal sex (although he is very enthusiastic about that!) but rimming and toys and just general play. That gave birth to the idea of this, the Project Anal series! The hope is try more anal play and report back on our progress over the next few months.
[Shane: I’d like to note that this is inspired by/a blatantly ripped off of Project Airtight going on over at Room 77 podcast. Fingers crossed that Project Anal goes well. Then we might progress to our own Project Airtight!]
Attempts at anal play have come and gone in waves over the years without much success. Across these attempts, I have not actually enjoyed anal penetration.
I know that a lot of this is probably a mental hangup. But I just don’t view that area as being sexual. I get anxious about cross-contamination. Once we start engaging in any anal play, all other sex acts are taken off the table because of logistics and clean-up. It becomes all or nothing.
Our Progress So Far
In the past, we’ve done all of the things that are generally advised: starting small with fingers or toys, lots of lube, and the like. No matter what we’ve done, I find inserting anything anally to be uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. This includes a finger or the smallest butt plug that we could find.
The most success that we have had has been when I am slightly stoned. I see that factoring into our future attempts. But even with help from weed, I find it really difficult to relax my sphincter muscles. I don’t feel like I am clenching, but I also don’t really know how to relax the area. It’s like I can’t access that muscle to control it.
I enjoy being rimmed. And when he uses his thumb to put slight pressure against my anus while he is fucking me doggy-style. But that’s about as far as we normally go.
Next Steps
But in the spirit of being GGG, I want to make an effort to engage in this fantasy. That means making more of an effort to bring anal play into our regular activity. But I’m still not sure what steps to take.
We recently discussed finding porn or erotica that might help me frame anal play as something pleasurable. [Shane: This idea came about from an article that was shared on the We Gotta Thing Twitter account. It’s a technique called flooding. It’s supposedly a way to overcome phobias by forcing repeated exposure to the source of your phobia.]
I have never searched for anal in porn. In fact avoid it because what I have seen so far in mainstream porn only makes me think about how excruciatingly painful I would find what I am seeing. Which is basically the guy inserting his cock and immediately banging away with no prep. There must be more variety out there, but wading into the world of internet porn is a bit daunting. My hope is that somewhere out there, there is more gentle female-centric porn focusing on anal pleasure.
I also really enjoy reading erotica. Maybe if I could find something that is from a woman’s perspective of enjoying anal sex that might help me wrap my head around it being a pleasurable activity.
So I am putting this out there in the hopes of getting some advice. I would love to hear from women who might not have liked anal at first but maybe developed some tecniques that allow them to enjoy it. And I would love some porn/erotica suggestions!
And Now Shane
Of course she comes up with the idea for Project Anal series right before she gets tonsil surgery and is going to be in recovery for three weeks or more!
Though…that does mean she’ll be on a butt-load of pain killers….
That’s a joke! I know it’s bad to attempt anal or other kinks when someone is numbed out like that. Pain is the body’s way of saying something’s wrong. Removing it and trying anal could be bad.
However, in an effort to be helpful, I found this article about how to enjoy anal sex. It’s written by the same person who wrote about the porn flooding. It seems like a good starting point.