Erin and I are fortunate in that we have three easy options for lifestyle clubs, all of them being about 30 minutes away from our house. Each have their own vibe. We make our decisions about which we want to attend based on our mood and our hopes for the evening. I already wrote a review for the Pleasure Garden Club (PGC) for the Room 77 Podcast blog. It’s about time I wrote a review for The Private Affair (TPA) considering that’s the club we most often frequent.
I mentioned in my review that PGC is where Erin and I go to play and get frisky with each other. On the other hand, TPA is our choice when we want to be social and talk with friendly people. It’s a much more relaxed and casual environment. It feels less like a nightclub and more like a neighborhood backyard BBQ…if you lived in Swingerville. There’s a lot more casual chatting going on than people-watching, but the TPA crew still brings the sexy.
The club has an annual membership fee; a variable entrance fee for couples, single men, and single ladies; and there is an additional fee to attend the afternoon pool parties during summer (more on that later). You need to register in advance before attending either via their website or by calling ahead of time.
The Approach
An important factor for us for any sex club is getting into it. Is there parking? Does it feel safe? How exposed are you during your approach to the door?
TPA is off some back roads near Perryville, Maryland. It’s in the middle of a residential area. The driveway takes you through a gate and to a parking lot right outside the converted…um…I’m not sure what the building used to be before it was a club. Some kind of warehouse, maybe? I’ll need to ask Donna, the owner, some time.
There is plenty of parking, and it’s very discreet. You drive right by a house on the approach, but the residents are club regulars. They host the summer pool parties (every Saturday and Sunday for members). Rest assured: The only people who will see you on the walk from your car to the club are other guests.
Once you are in the club, you are there for the night. You cannot return to your car. The doors close at 10:00. We usually get there between 8:00 and 8:30 to avoid the line. There is plenty of space to stand in line in the foyer; it can be a long wait, but at least you are inside from the weather.
You need to have your member ID number to check in.
Accommodations
TPA has an abundance of lockers (bring your own lock). I don’t think I’ve ever seen them run out of space. The area is a main through-way, but it’s a wide enough space that it doesn’t get overly crowded and walking through is rarely an issue.
The bathrooms are large and spacious. I’ve never had to wait in line to use the facilities. Each has a shower available in case you need to wash up.
There is a snack room that offers pizza, chips, salad, coffee, some kind of dessert, and a full buffet of pub-ish food. We’ve had buffalo wings, jalapeno poppers, chicken fingers, casseroles, fries, and a variety of other alcohol-balancing snacks.
Weird Shane fact: I don’t eat at PGC despite them having light snacks. I often end up grazing at TPA. The food quality is surprisingly good, and they make an extra effort for special event nights. We’ve also witnessed them order a dozen pizzas when the food stores got low on a surprisingly busy night.
I can’t imagine what the pizza delivery guys must have thought….
Well, yes, I totally can imagine that. I just wonder if the local Dominoes guys have a fight to see which one of them gets to drop off the pizzas at the sex club.
Not Club Accommodations, But Nice Features
For those seeking food after a night of partying, there is a 24/7 Royal Farms (with their “world famous” fried chicken) and a Denny’s on the way back to Interstate 95. Oh the things that Denny’s staff has seen….
There is also a motel pretty close by—we’ve heard stories of the party moving from the club to some rooms there—and a casino, if you feel like the club didn’t satisfy all of your vices.
TPA’s Layout
The entrance is on a subfloor. The rest of the club is on the main floor. It’s basically a big circle. As soon as you come up the stairs from the entry, the snack room is straight head, the pool tables (which I have yet to see anyone fucking on top of) are to the left and the lockers are to the right.
Let’s turn right for this imaginary tour.
We go past the lockers, down the hallway with the bathrooms, and into the main room. Across the main room is a door to another hallway that leads to all the playrooms, the lingerie store, the hot tub area, and back around to the pool tables. I’ll cover all these areas in a little more detail.
The Main Room
The main area has the bar (BYOB, but they have mixers), a plethora of tables both small and large, a dance floor, a few sofas facing the dance floor, and a small raised area with a breakfast bar and chairs deal. There is a stage with two stripper poles and a dance cage off to one side. No, I haven’t gotten into the cage. Yet.
The Playrooms
There are a variety of playrooms at the club of all shapes and sizes and themes. Some are quite large, fit for orgies. There’s a doctor-themed room with an examination table. I believe one room is being converted into a BDSM/dungeon room with suspension rig, but I haven’t seen it yet. Some rooms have windows with curtains and shades than can be lowered for privacy or kept up for awesome. As is typical of lifestyle clubs, a closed door must remain closed. An open door means you can come in…but TPA also has chains that can be put across an open door way. This means you can watch from the door but don’t enter unless invited.
In the hallways that connect the playrooms, there is a small lingerie store and a hot tub area. We’ve never used the hot tub, but it looks nice.
One of the playrooms has closed-circuit camera that feeds a TV in the main room, if being a porn star is your thing. I’ve never seen a live feed, but I’m hopeful.
The TPA Vibe
What makes TPA different for us and keeps us going back is the vibe. The Regulars there are a tight-knit group. The friendships are obvious. But they are also a very welcoming group. We’ve heard the place can seem very clique-y, but that’s only because people know each other very well and naturally gather together. If you approach a group and introduce yourself, you’ll find everyone very friendly and welcoming. Even if you are shy, there are some people who will go out of their way to greet you, introduce you to others, and make sure you are having a good time.
Of course, the flip side to that is, if there is drama between couples/groups, which can happen in the lifestyle, it often expands out through the friend circles. A friend-filled club can suddenly feel hostile and unwelcoming if you are on the wrong side of it.
The club has a few special features I’ll mention here, because I feel like these help create the TPA community feeling that we like.
Cherry Popping
TPA is very proud of their cherry-popping tradition. Every night any new-comers to the club sit on the stage and receive a lap dance from other guests to welcome them. There’s even a special song to go along with it.
This is a fun tradition, but it works best on nights when there are a lot of The Regulars there. They are very friendly and vigorous dancers with little to no shame, which is why we like them. Usually the newbies get quite a show. However, we’ve also seen nights in which the new-comers are sitting there expectantly and barely anyone shows up to dance up ons.
Because the lifestyle is surprisingly full of shy people with social anxiety.
Some days I’m shocked that any of us manage to fuck each other.
Ms. TPA
Every year, TPA has a competition to crown Ms. TPA and send her and her partner to Hedonism to represent the club at MILF Week (courtesy of Connection Travel). There were six separate competitions at the club over the summer during which contestants performed various tasks and were voted upon by judges and that evening’s club-goers. Erin and I were there for most of these this year support our friend—who is now the reigning Ms. TPA!
A large group of TPA regulars goes to Hedo for MILF week. We’ve not been, and alas it’s not really in the cards for 2020. Fingers crossed for 2021!
The Facebook Group
TPA has a private Facebook group. It’s fairly active with sexy pictures, naughty chats, dirty memes, and regular silliness. It’s a great way to stay connected with people you meet there. Some people post pictures from the selfie room that’s off the main dance floor. I think that’s a great idea for newbies because it reminds the people you met who you are.
“Ah, yes, the woman in the sexy red fishnet thing, that’s her name! Let me just Like that photo so she knows I’m interested!” (That’s how flirting works, right?)
This can also make things interesting when you meet people because you might have had some long and engaging chats with them already in the group:
“Hi, we’ve never actually met, but I’m Shane—”
“Oh, right, the guy who likes the expensive whiskey!”
“Yeah! And I brought a bottle, if you want to try some.”
This has also led to Erin knowing the names of most of the people in the club without us ever talking to anyone.
BDSM Night
We recently attended TPA’s BDSM 101 event. This was not a typical club night, but rather an interactive experience exploring kinks and fetishes. It doesn’t happen often, maybe once a quarter, and isn’t as populated as a normal night. I guess the TPA crowd isn’t as freaky as the Pleasurecation partiers at PGC, cause that night is packed!
That said, the TPA night was much more educational and manageable. There were several vendors there showing off their stuff, including some quality floggers and nice, low-heat candles for wax play. One area had a electro-wand zappy thing (that’s the technical term, I believe). There was a spread showing loads of DIY BDSM gear that could be tested.
One couple brought their lovely home-made BDSM furniture. Seriously, it was really cool stuff, very well made and it looked high quality. I was practically taking notes to make my own based off their designs.
The music was low and the lights were up, making it easy to see, talk, and try things out. Not a super sexy vibe that night, but still hot. And fun to interact with fellow kinksters and learn some new tricks.
Summer Pool Parties
During the summer, you can attend the clothing-optional pool parties at the house right next door to the club. It’s a small crowd, which makes it easier to meet people and chat. Burgers and dogs are cooked on the grill.
We’ve never been, but we hear it’s a fun time. It’s a little awkwardly timed (noon to 5:00 I think; the webpage with more info is down at the moment) if you plan on going to the club that evening because there is a big gap in time. For us, it would be a bit much to go home to get cleaned up and come back (and there are tolls!). But we live too close for a hotel room to be a reasonable option.
The Staff
The staff at TPA is very friendly. Most seem to be in the lifestyle, as opposed to some other places we’ve been where the staff is just doing a job. It’s easy to build a rapport with the bartenders, or in my case, build up a reputation as a merry trouble maker.
The Cons
Of course the club isn’t perfect.
The Bar Layout
There is only one bar, typically staffed by two bartenders. If it’s a really crowded night, a third person might help out. Lines form, sometimes meandering ones that defy reasonable order. There also isn’t much space between the bar and the tables. People tend to congregate in that area, which can make it even harder to get drinks.
Not As Much Open Play Area
Erin and I have discovered an appreciation for fucking in more open areas. We don’t want to be right in everyone’s face, but a side area in a main room works great for us. TPA doesn’t really have any space that fits that criteria. There are sofas right off the dance floor, and people do play there occasionally, but it’s too exposed for us. The rooms are great, and we try to get one with a window we can leave open, but there just isn’t the right exposure level outside a room.
Some Nights, It Lacks the Raw Sex Appeal
The friendly atmosphere is great for socializing and meeting new people. But it can cut the sexy mood. We’ve never been there and not seen scantily clad people gyrating suggestively, but we’ve certainly had nights where we never saw anyone having sex, even in the rooms. I’m sure it happened, but the doors were closed.
This could also be part of the not-finding-the-right-exhibitionist-space issue. We aren’t getting as much of a sexy vibe so we don’t feel as wanton about having sex in the open. Does that make sense?
This is not a regular thing, but something we’ve noticed more at TPA than other places. That said, when the TPA crowd gets raunchy, they throw down! A MFM threesome DP happened right at the table at which we were standing while we were chatting with friends. It’s just an ebb and flow of the club. Every night has been a great party, but on occasion, we just never found The Mood.
The DJs
Again, another inconsistency at TPA is the music quality. Sometimes it’s exactly my style with Closer by Nine Inch Nails going right into Whore by In This Moment and then Voodoo by Godsmack. You get a nice mix of solid club dance beats, too; it’s not all just metal. If you hear Wobble by V.I.C. playing, get a spot to watch some sexy-ass dancing. Erin has a bit of a crush on one of The Regulars, and it’s mostly due to his Wobble. And he’s a really nice guy. And good looking. But mostly it’s his Wobble.
Other times it’s like being at your aunt’s second wedding. We actually had a play session with another couple in one of the back rooms come to a screeching halt because of the music. Greased Lightning got us off our game, but I think it was Don’t Stop Believing by Journey that made our sexy times dissolve into a giggle fit.
To Wrap Up
The Private Affair is a fun club for partying and socializing. The regular crew is friendly and welcoming. It’s easy to meet people and continue to enjoy the community outside the club. It’s a sexy crowd, but some club nights just don’t spark that need-to-fuck energy for us. That doesn’t mean we don’t have a great time on these nights. After all, it’s the club we frequent the most.