I’ve decided to create a new feature on the blog (you know, since the last one is going so well). It’s called Shane on a Soapbox. During these (hopefully) short posts, I go on a (hopefully) funny rant about something. We’re starting off with a rant on word meaning (because of course we are). Specifically, I’m ranting about the use of sexfest in place of calling it a gangbang.
“But, Shane,” you might say. “I’ve never heard of sexfest being used in place of gangbang. Why would anyone ever do such a thing?”
To which I say THANK YOU!!
But this post also dips into another point that I’ve been making in some recent blog posts: why having a common vocabulary is useful.
I’m trying to keep this short. So let’s just dive in.
This All Started When We Were Listening to Swinging Downunder…
Like so many things, this is Cate’s fault.
(That was said to be funny. In truth, this isn’t Cate’s fault. She just happened to be the one who brought it up.)
Swinging Downunder had an episode recently about gangbangs during which Cate mentioned she read on a website about one woman who said something akin to, “I don’t like the term gangbang. We’re calling it sexfest.” (6:22, Episode 113 if you want play along at home)
I went on a tear on that one! Erin had to pause the episode until my rant was finished. This is a much-abbreviated version but to sum-up:
You use the word gangbang because people know what that means. Darrell’s immediate response to sexfest was “Hang on. Is that a gangbang or an orgy?” He then goes into why it sounds like an orgy and how the term is unclear.
If you say to someone, “Hey, we want you to be involved in our sexfest?”
The natural response is “What’s a sexfest?”
“That’s where you and five other guys take turns fucking me.”
“You mean a gangbang?”
“I don’t like that word.”
“Yeah, but if you had used it, you wouldn’t have needed to define sexfest for me.”
Gangbang already has a specific definition.
Sexfest could be anything. It could just mean having a lot of sex with your spouse in a single weekend.
Hell, it sounds like a music festival. And a fun one at that.
“Do you want to be the main attraction at sexfest?” doesn’t immediately imply the same thing as “Do you want to be the main attraction at a gangbang?”
It’s Not Even That I Disagree We Couldn’t Have a Better Word
Yes, I know language evolves. New words pop up all the time. That said, I don’t think that decision should be made just because someone doesn’t like a word. Otherwise, we’d have dropped moist from the English language long ago.
Sometimes we need to get rid of old patterns of communication because they are sexist, racist, ableist, and otherwise deficit language. Erin and I don’t use terms like wife share and wife swap because of the implied power-balance sexism of the wife being an object to be exchanged between people. (If you don’t understand what I mean, consider what is required for you to share or swap something. You need to have power, control, or ownership of a thing in order to be able to give it to someone else.)
Yes, I am that much of a pedant.
When new words are created, they should enhance understanding and make for better, more clear communication.
Sexfest is not more easily understood than gangbang (as Darrell’s confusion shows). It’s not even more quickly understood than just using the full definition. There’s no need to be coy and say “We’re planning a sexfest.” Just go with “I want to have sex with multiple men.” Everyone will understand that.
If a new word is needed, I’m all for it. In fact, I have several arguments as to why gangbang is not a great word to describe a group sex scenario in which the person (or people) being fucked is (are) heavily outnumbered by the people doing the fucking.
(Which I am not getting into ’cause this post is supposed to be short. You can do it, Shane! Keep it short!)
But let’s make sure it’s a better term, please!
(DID IT!)