I said I wasn’t going to recap PCAP, and I didn’t. And I won’t! But after exploring PCAP so cerebrally—what made PCAP 2022 a bit challenging for Erin and myself specifically, and how we rose to those challenges, and then delving into a few things that happened after PCAP 2022 was over, and how those things continued to evolve my thinking about PCAP—I thought it worthwhile to at least mention a few PCAP highlights. As much as I tried to express that we had a great time (because we did), if I only give examples of not-so-great moments, negativity becomes the focus of the piece.
“Sure, you say you had a good time but provide no evidence for that. We’re just supposed to take your word?”
…You are reading my blog, so I would have assumed a certain level of trust here. My perspective is as biased as any person’s, obviously. But I think myself a trustworthy narrator.
But more than just trying to counterbalance the previous posts, I wanted to give shout-outs to the following events and the people who ran them for their awesomeness. I shall steer away from being too introspective and simply talk about the people and the thing and the guy at the place, and I’ll never forget it. (I’m guessing I lost some people with that movie reference, but I’m leaving it in!)
Running
Mr. and Mrs. Diamond created an impromptu event in the PCAP app: morning runs. Being a runner, I was keen to join such a group. There were not many of us on Friday. I only attended that singular run; truth be told, I’m not even sure if the runs happened on subsequent days.
It was a lovely jaunt to the Art Museum, at which was a trailhead that went up the mountain that overshadowed Palm Springs like a fake movie backdrop. The most amusing part for me was when Angie (of the Average Swingers) and I got maybe ⅛ up the hillside, and we both gave an equally impassioned, “Nope. Fuck no. Like hella fuck no, not doing that! I’m going back down. The rest of you, please don’t die, but if you do, you should have known better because Goddamn that’s just a whole hillside of Nope!”
Before I continue, though, can I say that the designation Average Swingers is one of the biggest lies? Jay and Angie are wonderful people, and there is not a thing average about either of them. And I’m not just saying this because they said some [mostly] nice things about me and very nice things about Erin (which would be how that usually plays out) on a recent episode.
A thing I found amusing about running in Palm Springs is that the area felt like running in a beach town so long as you weren’t running toward the “fake” mountain. I had the overwhelming sense that if I just ran a couple blocks in one direction, eventually there would be an ocean.
Obviously that was not true and had I continued in that direction for too long I would just die from dehydration.
Yoga
A chance encounter on Friday after lifting weights in the fitness center and before running in the scorching desert sun allowed me to meet a talented yogini [Edit on 11/3/2022: I was today days old when I learned that yogi is a male-gendered noun and that yogini is the female-gendered noun form.] (who I shall call Y for Yogi[ni], ay Boo Boo?) who led yoga classes in the morning by the pool during the rest of PCAP.
Erin and I attended Saturday morning together. She did not wake in time for Sunday’s class but I went. It was easy for me to be awake for such things; I didn’t sleep much at PCAP.
Erin’s taken dozens of yoga classes across the years. Me? Only a handful in person. But I’ve done myriad yoga videos, so I’m well versed in yoga. Well versed enough to know I’m just not good at yoga.
We both found Y’s class to be exceptional. Certainly a PCAP highlight! Hence the inclusion in my PCAP highlights post. Funny how that worked out!
It was one of my favorite parts of the day because I could move and attempt to relax and breathe in the fresh air and breathe out my worries and get out of my way and dissolve just a little bit.
Except for that one moment….
Not That It’s All Relaxing or Comfortable
Usually I find solace in meditation, whether that be in yoga, while running, or sitting in silence and focusing my mind on my breathing. That’s normally enough to quiet my inner voice for a moment, to hide away from my inner demons.
Apparently I have gotten too used to doing this solo. During Saturday’s yoga session, I had moment, a single second of a disrupt that sent me spiraling a bit:
I was breathing and following Y’s words. I rolled my shoulders back and lifted….
And from behind me I hear giggles. I’m sure it had nothing to do with me—there were a billion things going on in the universe and most of them didn’t involve me, so why would that be any different?—but that’s all it takes.
My action.
That sound immediately after it.
And snap!
I’m suddenly laser focused on my physical form. I regret that I wore a sleeveless shirt. That I’m even in this yoga class. Yoga? Me? What was I thinking?
I’m hyper aware of my breath—heavy, because it takes effort to move this ponderous shape—as I continue to try to twist and bend this inflexible, immutable form through the poses and holds. And I focus on dissolving even more because maybe if I wish it hard enough I actually will this time.
I closed my eyes and focused on Y’s voice—she has a good voice for instruction, confident and knowledgeable and soothing—and I forced myself past that moment and back to mindfulness.
That’s how quickly those particular demons can swell. One giggle from nearby. But that’s also how quickly they can be quelled. Which is why the downward spiral I mentioned in the last post was so annoyingly pernicious.
Kissing 201
Ed and Phoebe from Swinger University led a session about kissing. Such a daring topic! You think you can teach a room full of swingers how to kiss? How dare you, sir and madam. How so ever dare you!
But also genius. They got to instruct a room full of people on how to kiss. Which can only work out favorably for everyone when the lesson is applied to real world situations.
I enjoyed their session because they brought a bubbly lightness to it, much of which bloomed from Phoebe’s obvious excitement for the topic. They described examples of various kisses (stemming mostly from different motions of the tongue) and then we tried them out on whomever we came with. (Although, I suppose other people might have practiced on those around them. I didn’t notice if that happened.)
It’s odd to think I’ve been kissing for so many years and not considered some of these…techniques? It was fun!
I had wondered if this session might not involve kissing random people. During every dance class Erin and I have ever taken, the instructors always made us switch partners.
“You can’t learn to dance well by only dancing with one person!” they would say.
“But I only care about dancing well with one person,” I would reply (this being years before lifestyle dating was a thing for us). Not that I dance well in any capacity. Vigorously, yes. But not well.
I was glad that Ed and Phoebe didn’t try a similar maneuver; my whole dislike for lifestyle games issue would likely have kicked in had they done so. But we attended with the intention of playing along should things move in that direction.
Building Confidence
Bella and Jase from the 4ourplay Podcast did a session on confidence. I was there early (fleeing the pool perhaps?) and sans my wife (who loves pools!), and approached them just to make sure me being in the room 15 minutes early wasn’t going to disrupt any prep work.
Our conversation was brief. I started tripping over words from the start, muddling my intent, turning what was meant to be a compliment of their podcast (of which we had listened to a few episodes in preparation for PCAP) into…not an insult or rebuke, no, but maybe a downplay?
It is impressive how quickly my words can unravel. My foot now firmly between my teeth (this one is on that list), I removed myself from that conversation and sat down. Yes, even after that, I stayed for the session. They had information. I like receiving information. Embarrassing myself is not a deterrent: I’m really good at it at this point.
If I’m superiorly lucky, two things are happening right now:
- Bella and Jase are reading this (hello, Bella and Jase! Welcome to my brain. Bring a flashlight; things can go dark real quick in here).
- They are both confused as to what I am talking about because this moment made much less of an impression on them then it did on me.
I don’t need to know the truth behind either of those points, by the by.
Their session about building confidence was great, and I quite enjoyed it! Having led teaching sessions at conventions in my Real Life (yay professional development conferences….), I know how difficult it can be to sit up front and try to impart knowledge. 4ourplay did an exceptional job, which wasn’t surprising given the great delivery they have on their podcast.
And You Get a Bourbon and You Get a Bourbon and You Get a Bourbon!
Mickey and Mallory, the Casual Swingers, casually poured a bunch of bourbon and casually passed it out to a casual mass of people crowded casually onto two queen beds. Most of us stayed clothed the whole time.
I put that last bit in there just to add some additional excitement. I’m not actually saying that someone didn’t stay clothed, though you might have inferred that. However, one can say that most people did a thing and be correct even when all of the people did the thing, because if they all did it, then most did as well. That’s how words work. Are we clear now on how many people took their clothes off?
Awesome!
This was an unofficial event, and thus we aren’t allowed to talk about it. Which is why I’m writing it down. You could only find out about it through the app. Or if someone with the app mentioned it to you. Or if you attended the introductory session when it was mentioned a couple times. Super secret stuff!
Almost like that other club, the one in Delaware, that I’m not allowed to talk about.
It was a bit crowded given the space in which it happened, but that wasn’t problematic spatially. Volumistically, that number of people in a small room was challenging even for Mickey, who is an adept orator.
If I May Be So Bold…
…and given that this is my blog, I think I should be forgiven such boldness…I had a thought on how this event could be made better for me personally.
What? You thought after an opening like that, speaking of bold ventures, that I wasn’t about to just go off on how this should be changed to suit my whims? Pish posh and poppycock!
Here are my thoughts:
Make it a ticketed session.
Even if that’s only $20 (but I’d shoot a little higher). We went through a lot of bourbon. Although I have no doubt that the casually generous Mickey and Mallory do not care how much money they spent on the event, it shouldn’t have to be on them to spend it. And by needing tickets beforehand, they know how much alcohol to get and how many cups we need.
And I will need a bib. I have a drinking problem.
Get a room.
Like, an official conference center room. I understand the logistical challenges. Conference centers and hotels don’t allow for outside beverages to be brought in for official events. Those conferences I mentioned presenting at? My organization was the host, so I know all about that aspect of event preparation.
However, the event location might allow for this kind of session if the alcohol is purchased through them. That would be at quite a mark-up (hence needing an accurate headcount and additional funds to cover the expense and thus being a ticketed session).
If this cannot happen on site, then maybe have this session at a local restaurant or back room at a strip club or swinger’s club? If such a place is available and not too loud. This is an informational session, after all; I need to be able to hear Mickey’s explanations and tasting notes.
Add handouts and scoring cards.
If everything is ticketed, pre purchased, and official, then it should be known which bourbons will be on offer. So a sheet with the bourbon’s name, region, average price, and website can also be prepared and handed out. Along with that, a scorecard for providing feedback might add a little bit of fun. I can think of at least one person who would be willing to help out creating these cards. He’s a bit verbose, but sometimes people find his writing interesting enough.
Should Mickey and Mallory feel so inclined, they can tally the results and present the winning bourbons on a future podcast. Or hand the scorecards off to someone with a mind to tally them up. This person could then give Mickey and Mallory the results so that they can present them on their podcast. I know of at least one person willing to do so.
Make it a Meet & Greet kind of event.
I’m in no way knocking the event in the form that they had it. Mickey and Mallory had no way of knowing how popular it would be, and there just wasn’t the space, time, and people available to coordinate it all. That it went as well as it did—which was superbly well!—is a testament to their determination, energy, and skill as presenters and to the crowd of awesome attendees for being all around awesome.
Yes, double awesome for us the bourbon drinkers! Cheers, mates!
Why no, I’m not drinking whyle I tipe this. Howdare u thinkk that.
I’m envisioning some large circular tables where everyone sits in assigned spots as servers pass out the first round of two or three drams of bourbon while Mickey injects knowledge about said drams into our brain pans. After his spiel, everyone can socialize for 10ish minutes with their table mates during taste-and-record time. Then some rotational system mixes up the table-sitters, and the whole thing is repeated: Mickey teaches, drams are passed around, sip-and-socialize, move tables, repeat.
There might not be enough rounds for everyone to sit with everyone, but it would be a start.
In General, Meeting Content Creators
It was a joy to meet the various content creators with whom I had shared so much banter over the years. Or in Mickey’s case, with whom I had spent so much time shopping for sex toys for my wife and breaking their website.
I have a talent for destruction like you would not believe.
As I mentioned in the first PCAP non-recap post, a truth about PCAP is that all the hosts and podcasters are right there in the crowd, mixing it up with everyone else. Because, of course, they are everyone else. It was a pleasure—for me anyway—to meet so many with whom I have shared exchanges on social media or from whom I have learned so many valuable lessons.
I wish I had said more. Just a little more to each of them: Thank you.
They put their time and effort and passion into their craft, and they push their words out. Some aim to teach. Others to entertain. And it all has value and it all makes a difference and it matters.
At least it has to me.
And at Last: To Cate
I truly love the Wanderlust podcast. Hearing Cate and Darrell…I’m not even sure of the right verb for what they do. I find it a delightful combination of witty banter, vicious mocking, and playful dismissiveness. I’m not sure English has a word for that.
Anyway, I love their podcast.
I enjoyed the chance to catch up with Cate a bit in person. She does an excellent job putting together a fabulous event. I can’t imagine how a venue could have been more newbie friendly than PCAP.
As I noted in a prior post, the challenges that Erin and I had are our own—though this trip directed a spotlight on my issues more so than hers. It was a great learning experience, and I am glad that we went.
We put our faith in Cate’s ability to put on a great event, and in that, we were not let down. She spends so much time and energy making sure everyone has a great time, and that comes through in so many little ways.
So I’ll end with this: Thanks, Cate! You did an amazing job.
I might not have gotten the answers I wanted, but I got exactly what I needed. And that’s priceless.